Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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