do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
