She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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