How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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