Got a toothbrush?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You dont lie about slip and slides
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
