Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
