is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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