I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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