Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
