So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is the high leading the old right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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