thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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