Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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