I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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