So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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