Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
