you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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