Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Shame - the story of my life.
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