I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
