eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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