Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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