Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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