Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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