did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
