the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
