Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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