Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she looked like the before picture.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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