Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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