I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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