this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
