Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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