i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
