last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
