this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
