And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
