True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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