i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
