Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
