I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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