i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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