no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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