so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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