paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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