Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
