i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
