have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
