guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
