If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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