i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
