I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A bitchslap is in order.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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