i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have started to decorate penises.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
