I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
