Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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