I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize