It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i will never coherently bang her
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
