I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize