i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
